My Farewell

Goodbye. Goodbye to the lifestyle that got me so caught up. I will debate to the death anyone who says I "chose this lifestyle." If I had a choice, please believe this wouldn't be it. The Lifestyle. What is it really about? Does it automatically lead you to be surrounded by crazed lunatics. The ones who tell you, "I'm here to enjoy myself. I'll be in my own little corner." I ask if they want to be alone. "Well you know how I am." But what's this? They're now in the corner, but not by themselves. Flaunting in front of your face something that you could never be. Didn't even have the decency to take it somewhere else. Letting you know there's no shame in their game. I pretend I don't care when I really do. Finally looking for that one to call my own. I know nothing good will ever come my way. But yet I continue to try. To no avail. I do run across the occasional one who is really not my type. The ones who are also desperately looking for that one. I'm then lead to break them down just as others have done to me. Because I have a particular type you see. A type that in any other situation I would turn my nose up at and wonder why the education system failed them so. I guess it's that swagger. Don't know why that is. But now, I'm through. Done with all the bullshit. Done with caring. Done with trying. I need to live for me. Travis Motherfucking Watkins. Stop dealing with these lame asses who aren't even good enough for me in the first place. Because I'm a Star. Always have believed that and I will continue to believe that until my Star is finally noticed and put on display. Why settle for less? Why deprive myself of what I truly know I can achieve. But I'll never get it. My luck is not that prosperous. I always get hurt. Always left alone to pick up the pieces. But no more. I won't continue to let myself get hurt. No longer to allow a piece of myself to leave in another's lap. Being put into a position of pain just to fulfill someone else's pleasure. I ask myself if it's worth it. I think. I contemplate. I make a decision. I give up. Give up on the lifestyle that has brought me so many tears. So many sleepless nights. The life that has lead me to mix a bottle of pills with a bottle of Vodka. The Lifestyle. They think I chose this. Well they're wrong. And now this style is out of season and from now on I'll live my own life in my own style. Farewell.